Sunday, May 22, 2011

That Really Chaps My Hide

I have a beef with bicyclists.

Not bicyclists in general.  Heck I'd ride one the 9 miles to work everyday if I wasn't afraid some asshole in a car, talking on a cell phone would run me over.  My beef is with bicyclists who ride their bikes on the sidewalk.  And its not bicyclists riding their bikes on the sidewalk in general....its the bicyclists riding their bike on the sidewalk when there is a pedestrian (me) on said sidewalk.  Especially bicyclists who are riding their bikes on the sidewalk when there is a marked bike lane on the street.

While walking the dogs this morning I see a guy on a bike coming towards us.  I think to least he's traveling with traffic (which is what he's supposed to do).  We are walking against traffic (which is what we are supposed to do).  At this point he's about a third of the block in front of us....and closing in.  He does not have his hands on the handlebars.  There are about 5 driveways between us.  I'm thinking he's going to put his hands on the handlebars and steer his bike down one of those soon and get on the street (in the marked bike lane)  before he gets to us.

After he passes 3 of the driveways I begin to wonder "Is he? do I need to reel in the dogs? surely he's not so stupid as to risk getting tangled up with us."  Passes driveway #4!  Puts one hand on handle bar, begins to break, wobbles a little, I stop, pull the dogs closer to me.  Look him in the eyes and say, "Dude, Really?  You couldn't get on the street?"

He gives me a confused look as he continues past, one hand on the handlebar.....the other hand holding a cell phone to his ear.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Royal Wedding......

Tamara's 25th and Things 5 and 6

Last night we celebrated Tamara's 25th birthday.....Quarter of a Century Baby!  and I managed to complete things 5 and 6.  Thing 5 was attend a teppanyaki dinner show.  I know, I don't know how I managed to live this long and not do it before, but it's true.

I've said that my 51 things do not need to take me out of my comfort zone, but if they do, all the better.  This was mildly uncomfortable.  Sometimes it's hard to go to a place that you've never been, knowing that you are going to experience something so new to you (sounds a little lame when I type it out like that, but for me it is true).  I experienced a little angst in deciding what to eat.  Dang I've been to new restaurants before and it's been no big deal, but this really seemed like it was going to feel so foreign to me.  As usual the anxiety was all for naught.  Food was great, had miso soup for the first time....geeze, I really have lead a sheltered life!  So thing #5 is, saw a teppanyaki dinner show.

Ahhhh, but what about thing #6?  As you know I am vehemently opposed to double dipping.  Trying miso soup for the first time at a teppan restaurant would be double dipping......catching a little bit of rice in my mouth thrown by the chef would be double dipping....assuming I had actually caught the rice, but after 3 trys the guy gave up.  Now eating eel....well that's just so far out there for me I'm counting that as thing #6 despite being at a sushi joint!  I would have never ever in my wildest dreams think I'd eat eel.  The only reason I did was because my little niece Tami was sitting next to me and she was eating it!  When I asked what she had she asked if I'd like to try it.  "No, that's ok, thanks anyway" I told her.  Tamara and Kristal over heard me.....and said "Do it!, it would be thing number 6!", and proceeded to chant "six, six, six, six".  So I did it.  I'll do practically anything with enough encouragement.....well maybe not anything.....

Things # 5 and 6 done, 45 to go.

Happy Quarter Century to Tamara!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Why Crack is Bad

Today I completed thing #4 of 51 new things.....I'll get to that in a minute.

First I want to share this picture:

Spiderman leaping from a building!  Very exciting for a 4 year old boy.  This is a partial picture of my great nephew's birthday cake.  Great because he is my nephew's son....yes....when you are 50 the generations begin to multiply.  Notice the dark blue icing.......I was very careful not to eat any of that!  You should have seen their mouths....wonder what color their poo will be.....

Party was at the home of fabulous pizza, and kiddie slot machines - Chuck E Cheese....I've still got that damn birthday song in my head...."You're a birthday star at Chuck E Cheese"....must stop the music!

The party at CEC was not thing was what I did at CEC.....

      I present:

Hmmm.....I think the token goes there.....

Oh, yes I did.  Thing #4, took a picture of a stranger's ass crack.  When opportunity presents itself you have to grab a picture of it.  Honestly....look at that....How could I possibly have passed up an opportunity like this?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Honey Badger? Or Why its so hard being me.....

T sent me an email today saying at work they have a volley ball team, and they've decided to call themselves the "Honey Badgers".  Said they are talking about wearing shirts that have a badger on it, so she was looking online and found this one:

Honey Badger Shirt

So she emailed it to everyone and gradually hears people start cracking up and saying "OMG, that's the one!".

So here's why its so hard to be me.......

I can't just read the email, look at the picture and leave it at that.  I have to "think" it through.  First thought is "I wonder if T is on the team?".......doesn't sound like it, just sounds like she's lookin for shirts.  Too bad, she'd have fun...although there is some pressure being on a sports team...usually they want you to be good at the sport...... they are so competitive.  I remember being on a softball team, we called ourselves "Top Guns" (was in the 80's you know Tom Cruise, all the rage, yada, yada, yada)  Anyway, we sucked.  Didn't win one game.  In fact I think we only played one game....against a team of PE coaches.  They kicked our asses....we were laughing-stocks....we must have quit after that cause that's the only game I remember playing, and I think that was just a pre-season game.   But I did keep the T-shirt for a long time....I think one of my kids still uses it as a sleep shirt.

Second thought is:  Honey Badger?  What's a Honey Badger?  Is it different from a regular badger?  Does it eat honey?  Why'd they pick Honey Badger?  Should I google Honey Badger?  Did they have to pick animal names?  Is that why they chose it?  Why not choose something like Gladiators, Trojans, Top Guns.....something that inspires a little more fear?  Honey Badgers?  Are Badgers vicious?  or wusses?  Who picked this name?  Did they come from some weird state like North Dakota?  Somewhere where badgers are prolific?  Do they have a fondness for badgers?  Was it hard for them to talk their fellow teammates into embracing the name Honey Badger?''

FINE, just google it!

Ok, first thing that comes up is:  Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger.....hmmm....maybe there is more to this than first glance.  Next on google is "Honey Badger The Most Fearless Animal on the Planet", I have seriously underestimated the Honey Badger.  I'm afraid to click any of these links cause I'm still at work...I mean come on....make sure the sound is down....I don't want to be caught surfing something I shouldn't...even if I am on my lunch break!

Ok, next reference appears to be from an episode of Glee....along with this little comment:

The Guinness Book of World Records has awarded the honey badger with the title "the most fearless animal in the world." In the National Geographic video below, we see the honey badger wrestle with creatures that would have us running back to our Jeep Wranglers screaming for Mommy.We're not entirely why Sue associates honey badgers with Terri Schuester (Jessalyn Gilsig) who finally returned to "Glee" tonight after a long absence, but we guess we'd classify both Terri and the honey badger as completely freaking crazy.

So I'll share this you tube video

Come on, if you can watch and listen to (this total gay guy) and get through this gay video.....ok, Honey Badger is Bad Ass....go ahead and name your volley ball team.

See why its so hard to be me?